The Very Secret Diary of Lt. Laura Cadman (Cadman)

Title: The Very Secret Diary of Lt. Laura Cadman
Author: mardahin
Beta: wymsie
Characters: Laura Cadman
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Vague Spoilers through "The Return Pt 1" (03x10)
Written For: shihadchick, who wanted 'Laura Cadman, writing or documents. (Gen, het or slash, I'm happy.)'
Summary: Blow Shit Up. It always helps.

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The Very Secret Diary of Lieutenant Laura Cadman, USMC

The Atlantis Edition

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Day 1
Spent the day fighting real life space vampires. Got vampire blood all over my hair, had to take a shower before dinner. Got to the mess late, and was handed a vegetarian BBQ MRE for dinner. I think I hate Atlantis already.

PS: Yuck. Is it possible to get motion sick on a floating city?

Day 4
Split my lip in the gym and got ordered to the infirmary. I think it might be the best mistake I ever make. The doctor is Scottish. This makes everything better.

Day 8
Have concluded that I definitely have a crush on The Scottish Doctor.

I have decided to deal with this in the easiest way possible; I took a group of marines out to the mainland for demolitions training. We blew up a lot of trees. Life is much better now.

Day 10
Attempted to eat lunch in the mess. Retreated to room and an MRE after lunch attempted to walk off my plate for the second time. Must talk to the cook-staff; I was told they were all from Earth.

Day 15
Blew shit up on PD7-772.

Day 17
Blew shit up on MX6-135.

Day 19
Captain Reynolds trapped his team in an unstable mining facility. After three hours of persuasion, Major Lorne allowed me to expedite the process of clearing debris.

Day 20
Met Colonel Sheppard. He asked me how many different kinds of explosives I’m certified in. I think we’re going to get along wonderfully. Have the strangest feeling that I would be dead before hitting the floor should I hit on him, not sure where it’s coming from. Would be best not to try anything.

Have no wish to die painfully at the hands of the much whispered about Doctor McKay.

Day 22
Cleaned out Lindsey and Katie at the first 'official' girl's poker night. Had to fight Doctor Zelenka and his D&D club for the dining hall, but it was well worth it. Snacks + Poker + Athosian Booze = Good Times

Day 25
Swapped bodies with Most Annoying Man in the Universe™ (The aforementioned Doctor McKay). Took the opportunity to make a pass at The Scottish Doctor. He seemed receptive; I hope this indicates he is single, as opposed to gay. That would be most unfair, as he is Scottish and has an accent and I haven’t had a date in six months.

Day 30
Went on a date with The Scottish Doctor. It went well, all things considered.

Blew shit up. All things now considered.

Day 35
Having had time to reflect on my experiences in Doctor McKay’s body, cannot bring myself to take his death glares very seriously.

Shall have to flirt with Colonel Sheppard for fun.

Day 36
A hot shower is not to be underrated.

I swear here and now never to flirt with Colonel Sheppard again.

Day 45
Due to an unfortunate accident involving Doctor Parrish, Major Lorne, and a storage closet (I am never, ever, asking. I’m not that desperate for gossip), I was trapped in Greenhouse 3 for six hours.

Greenhouse 3 is home to the Sentient Vines we found on PS9-227. Spent five of the six hours teaching the vines poker. Have now lost half of my chocolate stash to glorified wall decorations without mouths.

Day 47
Blew shit up on P2X-867. Feeling much more at peace with the world. Received a commendation for managing to hit three Wraith with one blast. Go Me.

Day 50
Colonel Sheppard has officially transferred storage of demolitions from the really freaking small room to the much bigger/nicer/better room next door, and put in a requisition for more C-4.

In response, I have filed for temporary transfer to the city when the Daedalus departs for Earth. Carson (The Scottish Doctor) approves.

Day 53

Visited Carson in the research lab next to the infirmary. At his encouragement (well, he didn’t say not to), stuck my hand in what he said was a cellular regeneration device. Lost the hand.

Five minutes later he came over and turned it on, and I got the hand back. Lost the manicure, though.

Day 71
Almost blew up the city.

Whoops.

That one? So totally not my fault.

Day 73
Played Hide & Seek with my boss today and his evil alien consciousness. No, not that boss, the other one. And his boss. They’re all taking turns playing possessed city-destroyer.

Caldwell gets points for sneakiness and originality. Sheppard gets points based on his hair alone. Weir gets points for taking out Ronon, even if she did put a bullet in him (They say anything you can walk away from…)

They all lose over the whole ‘trying to kill us all’ thing. That would kind of suck if they succeeded.

Day 74
Lindsey Novak is a dirty rotten thief. Anyone who says differently has never played poker with her. Or attempted to buy a pair of socks from her. Mostly the socks.

Day 81
Major Lorne died a few days ago in a fiery explosion, complete with village testimonials.

Showed up in a Genii prison camp a week later. This is good, would hate to have to break in a new CO. Colonel Sheppard’s nice, but he gets cranky when you mention things like “Paperwork” within fifteen feet of him.

Especially if he’s in his office.

Day 95
While performing recon off-world, Captain Jones (my benevolent and completely brainless team leader) accidentally activated an Ancient device.

Have learned that it is very difficult to blow shit up while wandering Atlantis with four legs and fur. Have also learned that the Ancient Rodent population was obscenely large, and is currently located (in all their mummified splendor) in the storage rooms of the South-Western branch of the city.

Day 118
Carson has been very depressed lately over his new science project (he always gets upset when he works on his projects, I’m not sure why he took the job). I tried to get him to go out to the mainland with me for some demolitions practice, but he wouldn’t leave his office.

I keep telling him about the therapeutic effects of blowing shit up, but he doesn’t believe me. I wish he’d stop suggesting that I see Doctor Heightmeyer; it’s insulting. If this keeps up, the sex may not be worth it.

Day 210
Ancients showed up to ‘reclaim’ their city. I tried to explain that after 10,000 years basic salvage laws apply, but Doctor Weir frowned and said if she couldn’t be part of negotiations than no one could. Most unfair.

Day 212
Have been kicked out of Atlantis. This sucks; must now get permission to blow shit up. Carson has decided to run off and return to research medicine. I have decided to run off and return to being single. At least on Earth I can go to a bar and not wind up in jail for blinking (PSP-003 was a really strange place. They take the term eye-fuck to a whole new level. Must remember never to visit when tired, if Sheppard ever gets his ass in gear and kicks the Ancients out of Atlantis. I have faith, but Sheppard’s kind of slow to catch on sometimes).

As am now back on Earth, must start a new diary and burn the old one before someone who cares anyone sees it.

Would ruin my reputation.

PS: Can you get land-sick in a mountain if you lived in a city with inertial dampeners? I think Earth hates me already, and I haven’t even started blowing shit up yet.